Depression is not an easy thing to live with, for me or family and close friends. Everyone always says I don't appear to be a person who is depressed, well it's all a front (something the ones closest to me know well). The last month has been very difficult for me, but with the help of loved ones and adjustment of medication, I am feeling a little less sad. I am never really okay, on a scale of 1 to 10(10 being really sad) my normal life is about a 2. Even at my best there is never a day that I don't feel like crying a few times a day. My life is perfect, a hot as heck hubby, three awesome kids, a mom and sister who would drop everything and be here the second I needed them, and two best friends who listen to my never ending talking. So I decided to make a list of just a few precious moment, in no special order. Because the emotion of some of thaws moments, I have been typing them over time. There would be way to much tears to type this in one day.
My dad died when I was 10 and my mom and her family did a great job raising us. Even during hard time, we always had family. I guess I didn't realize how much a little girl need her dad until my prom. Oh I don't mean that I didn't miss him, because of course I did, but sometime you need a daddy not a memory. Well we were at my prom and have a fun time while parents were still there and then it happened... The father daughter dance. I just stood there tears in my eyes wanting to run to the bathroom and cry. My cousin Matt was there with his wife's family. He walked up to my and asked me to dance. There have not been many times in my life when I was quite, but I took his hand and put my face in his shirt and quietly sobbed as we danced. To this day I don't think he realizes what he did for me. I have mentioned it a few times and he doesn't remember... But he will never know how much I love him for that dance.
Maysen was about 2 months old and I was once again struggling with depression. Taylor, Maysen and I were sitting in the truck and I said a small prayer out loud that mentioned how thankful I was to god for giving me such beautiful and healthy children. When I was finished with my short prayer Taylor asked "Momma, God gave us Maysen?" I said yes my love he gave her to us to love and watch grow. Taylor pondered this for a moment before bluntly saying "Momma, I need to tell God thank you". And sitting right there I help my 3 year old son tell god how thankful he was for his little baby sister. Taylor is now 7 and I asked him the other day if he was still happy God gave us Maysen. He said Maysen and Claire, but he still wants a little brother.
There is a difference between my single mom and single moms who kids husbands are still in there life. No offense but my single mom didn't get breaks, she didn't get some weekends to herself, she didn't have a person to send us to and say you deal with this, I am too stressed right now. My mom was always a little spoiled by her sisters and mom. In ways they more than made up for my dads death happening to me so young. That was never truer that at mine and my sisters weddings. My mom and her sisters (along with my mother in law at mine) took control to the last detail. I am a very controlling person, I honestly couldn't have asked for a better wedding that the one I was given.
My 10 anniversary was coming up and I was 5 months pregnant with Maysen and once again feeling overwhelmed and sad. Imagine my surprise when I walked into a party thinking it was for my friends dad, only to be a surprise anniversary party for Mo and I. Honestly a room full of people was just what I needed. My sister and mom did an awesome job. My sister in laws, one who was pregnant with twin were there along with all of Mo's family and mine. My sister made a DVD of special moments of Mo's and mine life. I didn't cry, I don't think anyone understood how hard that was, if I would have let one tear fall, they would have been unstoppable.
These "little" momnets are a bit long winded and no pictures to lighten the reading. So I will say good bye for now, but I will adding moments later here and there. Good day and good night to all.... Kate
love ya bestie!!!!
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