Spring Break

Spring break is here and now it's gone, that quickly.

As everyone around here knows its rodeo time in Houston. My brother and sister in law took us for our first experience. As I packed up the Tahoe for my first solo overnight trip with kiddos, I realized this adventure may be more that I bargained for. But alas we load up and set off to Tià's Casa. Once we got there of course there was lot of playing. My kids love playing with Melanie.  When I plan thing they never go quite right, so I like to let my OCD in-laws plan them.  Early, but not to early, the next morning we were off to the rodeo.  All the kids had a blast and Tina and Hector had already been there so it was nice to just relax and let them lead the way.

Not alwas just the bad

Please understand that my life isn't constant sadness. I have many moments with my family and friend that are full of joy. Recently I was bathing and notice that the biggest diamond in my anniversary band (the one Mo got me for my tenth anniversary) was gone. I do have insurance on my ring, however with Kay's insurance policy you must have the ring inspected every six month and I knew it had been well past that. I cried for hours. I don't wear jewelry, just my watch and ring. I was so upset. At 2:03 I was sitting in my recliner in my room and my friend Stephanie text me that her Nannie passed away. I put my head down and said a little prayer for her and her mom who was really struggling with her mothers illness. As I finished my prayer I opened my eyes and there on the floor was a tiny sparkle. I looked closed and believe it or not there it was... my diamond from my ring. Amazed, shocked just plain disbelief that in a 2500sq ft house there it was. Steph says her Nannie showed it to me and I couldn't agree more.

Starting Anew

This blog isn't sad or happy or neutral. It isn't to make you laugh or cry. It's just about me and what's in my head. I have twenty six blogs in draft because I started them and they were just to emotional to finish or because I was afraid to post them fearing what people might think. I have not watched, read or even listened to one single thing about Colorado and those close to me know why. I have depression, something I battle every single day. I usuaaly fake a smile a million times a day just to keep people thinking im okay. Sometime I vent to my mom, sister, Angela and Steph; and sometimes quietly alone I let the fear and despaire over come me just to let it out. Some may say by not acknowledging Colorado is ignorance; ignorance that wheather I watch or not it still happend. I however call it selective reasoning; is the a reason I need to watch this terrible news, is there a reason I need to read and see picture of it, is there a reason I need to listen to it on the radio or someone have a conversation about it. This is not the only thing I have shut out. We recently had a horrible murder here in my town, the town I call home. This month also marks the death of my cousin Kolby, who lovingly referred to me as "aunt Kate". I don't do sympathy on Facebook, some do and I guess to each thier own. But I don't mourn and I don't pray for people on my facebook page. When you do these thing you want people to know you have an attachment to the death or the event, I however want to pray and mourn at home quietly looking out my window as my kids play. That seems the make the sad not hurt as much as my 600 some odd friends tell me they understand or tell me to slap myself back into reality. Life will gone on day by day and those of us who battle depression will try yo start each day anew.I recently got my first tattoo. It says "Acceptance" in my moms hand writing. Everyone ask why. I have been throught a lot of stuff in my life... 99 percent of us have. However I was once at a point that I left it define me, now I just accept it as part of who I am, not my entire definition just part of it. I used to think that "Only those who have battled deppression can understand depression". I know know now that's not true and thank you to that person (my left leg). You will honestly never know the respect and love I have for you for having enough courage to be my friend.